Let me start off by saying I know my wedding and everything that surrounds it is not as important to everyone else as it is to me.

However, I find myself feeling depressed that not many people can/want to come to my bridal shower. I am only having one, my friend Michelle is throwing it. It just seems close to everyone invited either cant or does not want to come. Most people who bothered to RSVP that they would not come did not give a reason (not that they have to) but it makes me think maybe I am not important enough to them, so they just do not want to come at all. Most people have not bothered to RSVP at all. There are even some who said they would come, and are now saying they cant. Not many people were invited, either, as I do not have many local female friends.

My sister said so what? are you worried about presents? Its not about the presents at all. It about feeling unimportant to those I feel are important to me. The invites went out like a month and a half ago, its not like people did not know in advance.

and I know this sounds silly, and people really are busy, and have to work, etc. I do not consider myself a selfish person, but right now I am having one of those "What about me??" moments.

okay, so I know I havnt exactly been good about updating about the wedding, but slowly and surey plans have been made. In the morning I am going to order my flowers from the florist. Probably order the cupcakes form the bakery as well. (We are having a cupcake tower instead of a cake, I am so happy about this!) So here are some pictures of things I DO have and some inspiration pictures. (the flowers are just inspiration pictures)

First, some bridesmade stuff...

One of my bridesmaid, Shelley, was so scared to tell me because she thought I would be really mad, but she had to drop out of the wedding party. I was sad, but I understand her financial situation is not great. (she was going to buy a dress and throw me a shower, but can now do neither) plus shes moving in July AND just got engaged herself. I understand, am still kinda bummed though. However, she did agree to be a day-of coordinator of sorts. (She does party planning for a living for the most part, she knows what shes doing) So now my bridesmaids are

Michelle (my MOH), My sister Sherrie, my sister Crissy, my cousin Kali, and my friend Dena

and now, pictures!

( cut for length.. )

I forgot to say I got a new car. its a 2008 Pontiac G6. And its really cute and fun to drive. I still dont have any pictures of it yet. Maybe when it stops raining Ill be able to snap a few pictures.

Sorry Linny, I still dont have a picture of me sexily sprawled across the hood as you requested ;)

I've gotten a few nudges from people encouraging me to update my journal. I know it has been a long time. I check my friends page many times a day, but I can't take a few minutes every now and then to update on myself? Apparently not!

I am still trying to plan the wedding, though I really need to kick it up a notch. We were thinking of doing a cupcake tower instead of a cake because I like cupcakes, and they are cheaper.

I have a couple of florists I need to talk to as well!

I am working as a substitute para-educator with the Kent School District in Washington, working mainly with special education kids. I love it, they crack me up. I would like a permanent position, but I dont want to take any position that comes up, id rather wait and apply at a school I know I like to work at.

I really dont know what else to say. my life isnt very exciting ;)

OH! Lindsey is prego again and thats very exciting for her and her family, so congrats to them!

Some days I have the thoughts of "I want a baby.." but then the next second I come back to reality and im like "nevermind". I know I am too selfish right now to have kids. Im not ready to wake up in the middle of the night and whatnot. someday. :)

I hope everyone is doing well in LJ land. sorry this post sucks, I just cant think of anything else to say. Love you guys :)

trust me.

But we got another kitty. :) We named Him Loki, and he is 8 months old. So still very playful and curious, but also very cuddly and sweet. He's a tuxedo cat (black and white) and has these bright yellow eyes which in most pictures reflect the flash so you cant see them, but in the first picture hes not looking directly at the camera so its okay. He's a cutie, and I must admit I like the little guy. so... 3 cats now.

Ok, hi. :) Its me, the person that rarely posts.

I dont know why im updating, I dont have much to say.

Work:

I hate my job. Not much to say in that category. They treat me like dirt, they dont care about my well being, I work my butt off for them and give them what they want, and no one notices. So, time to move on, if I could only find something...

Niece: Shes so cute, shes always happy and smileing and very good natured. Shes months now and doing very well.

Knitting: I made my first hat, and it sucks, but thats ok because even though I know it was going to turn out wrong, I still finished it. knit and learn, eh? ;) Ill just have to try again.

Strep: I was out of work yesterday, today, and will be tomorrow because I have strep. lovely. I dont know how I got it, because none of the kids had it.. who knows. Oh well, I stay home and knit. ;)

Home: we got a new cough and loveseat which is cool because before we just had a loveseat which sucked. Now we have a couch and 2 loveseats :)

As most of you know, on October 12th Nick and I got engaged. I can officially announce it now because I told my dad, and he was thrilled. (not sarcasm, he really likes Nick)

As most of you DONT know, I've been going through a small depression. It's work related, I HATE my job, and I dont hate much. I've been looking and applying and havn't heard anything back from anyone. I know I need out of my current job situation, but my choices are limited.

So, I tried to think of something that might make me haooy at least just for a day. And I thought "hey, theres a wedding show this weekend" and so I asked my friend Shelley and she said she'd go with me, and may be able to get us free tickets. She also happens to be one of my bridesmaids. She's beyond awesome. She was so surprised when I asked her to be a bridesmaid, even though she's been supportive of nick and I since before we even became an official item ;)

So here is my side of the wedding party.

Michelle - my matron of honor, and Ive been friends with her since kindergarten.
Sherrie - bridesmaid, my older sister
Crissy - Bridesmaid, my younger sister
Shelley - Bridesmaid
And Linny - Bridesmaid, if she wants to/can. She lives in England but said she'd be willing to fly in :) she's also beyond awesome. (Linny we're thinking we wont be able to get married fall 2008, so if you're preggo or have a baby around then, it will probably be a few months later.. but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it :) )

So yeah.. that's pretty much my life in a nutshell right now.

uhh.. I just had a birthday, too, but I didnt do anything for that it wasnt a big deal. (Im 25 now) ok... yeah

*waves to everyone* I know, I need to update more, I suck ;)

It's nothing special and kind of small, but the baby wont care. I was running out of time being as the baby was due monday. (But still not here!) Pictures:

Whole thing:



detail:




Yay!

The whole reason I updated last night was because I wanted to tell this story though doesnt really seem important, was so weird to me. and I forgot to.

I gre up in Burien in the same house. I didnt move out until the end of the summer after Highschool I moved to my moms in Sumner. So I was almost 19. My dad still lived there though for a year or two more.

Well, the port wanted to buy the house and we kept saying no. but my dad wanted to move anyway so he eventually said yes, when the price was right. The port owned the house and they rented it out to different people. Whenever I drove past it when I was in the area there always seemed to be different cars in the driveway and they never kept the house looking nice like my dad did. (the flowers were all dead and the lawn overgrown and brown)

Well randomly Nick and I were in Burien the other night to do something, I dont remember, and my old house is gone. seriously its just an empty lot now. The 3 or so trees behind our house were still there. But the huge shop/garage my dad and my grandpa built back behind.. gone. the house.. gone... the driveway.. gone. One of the neighbors house was gone and the house across the street was gone too. Maybe if I would have seen the house boarded up first it wouldnt have been such a shock. But everything, including the driveway, gone. Just a dirt lot. And it was sort of hard to grasp because it was my childhood home and there were deffinately many memories there. I didnt cry or anything, but I was very shocked.

I still drive by our old house in Sumner too (that my mom lived in for 15 years I think?) She sold it a couple of years back so that was weird too. it was my other childhood home. But I know it wont be knocked down anytime soon. At least I can still drive by and look at it.

I guess this is all just another part of growing up.

I keep meaning to update... sorry!

let me see...

Work: I am SO busy! which is good, I guess. I get the hours. The supervisor is recouperating from her surgery, so Tracy (my old supervisor and good friend) is filling in for her. She's either A) opening a new site at a different school for next year or B) trading places with Julia (new supervisor) and staying at the current school and Julia going to the new site. she says if they do end up putting her at the other site, that She'll take me with her (I'm so very excited, I love working with Tracy) Im still doing child care, but Im sort of hanging around waiting for a new position to present itself.

Home - life: It's ok, the cats fight all the time, Nick plays his computer games, and we watch tv and eat dinner. We dont get much quality time together so im kinda sad. :( But its hard when we both work hard. No, Marriage in not in sight. (some of you have asked) I guess it comes down to we cant afford it. at least that seems to be the excuse ;) sigh... oh well, someday.

Pain: Ive been experiencing a lot of pain in my elbow and shoulder and Ive been doing some research and it seems I have tendonitis from knitting. Ive been knitting like crazy to try and get this baby blan ket done for my sister and I havnt to hold back so it doesnt get worse.

Pregnant Sister: She's due on the 16th! SO SOON! She could go into labor anyday now. SOOO exciting, im gonna be an auntie :) I will get this blanket done if its the last thing I do, so neener neener.

Ok im going to go to bed. not really anything interesting going on.. told you so ;)

Last sunday, New Years Eve, we made an addition to our little family. We got another kitty! SHe is 2 years old, the same age as Goobie. I think he's older by like.. 2-3 weeks though. We havn't really named her yet, we've just been calling her "Pretty". She's Tortie/Black Tabby. The name she came with was "riku", but I wasnt so fond of that name, so we're still thinking. Anyway, PICTURES!











As Goobie and her learn to like eachother more, I'll take pictures of them together. but this is Pretty Kitty :)

Ok you guys, I need addresses for christmas cards. you can email me at tamarabray at gmail dot com ok thanks :)

Well, it's my Birthday, and I havnt and wont do anything all that exciting, which is okay. I went to work this morning, came home, took a nap, went back to work and now im waiting for nick and we're going to go to dinner. then I'll come home and watch tv a little then go to bed. makes for an exciting day I guess :) Anyway, hope you all or having a great day too! 24, and I feel 40. ewww.

I got a call when I was at work saying "you neeed to come home, like, now" from my brother in law and Im like I cant, Im at work, whats up? and hes like all the animals... and I said IS GOOBIE OKAY?" and he said they are all in bad shape come home as soon as you can. so I saked my superviser if I left if they would still be in ratio, so she counted the kids and said we were fine on staff and I could go, after I told her the story. the story is that apparently my sister and her husbands dogs had ripped the baby gate down (theres a baby gate on the stairs to keep the dogs (2 weiner dogs, not big dogs) from getting upstairs where goobie is. dogs get downstairs, goobie gets upstairs.but they tore it down and chased goobie around the house.

I left work and went straight to the animal hospital they he said he was taking goobie too. I got there and all his paws and legs and other parts of him were covered in blood. but, apparently, its just his claws that got hurt and they produced a lot of blood. I cried and said oh goobie, my baby.. the vet said hed have to stay overnight but he would be ok. they just need to watch him, keep an IV in him because hes dehydrated (it was like what, 93 degrees today? he had water though.) and he was stressed and dirty. so they said they'd clean him up and I can take him home tomorrow morning.

I got home and all the walls everywhere carpet.. totally covered in blood. so, we tried to scrub it all out with carpet cleaner but that was a nogo so we rented a rug doctor which my sister is using now, I havnt been downstairs to see if it has worked or not.

My poor goobie :( my baby! I cried all the way home from work. Ill have to bring his litter box in here tomorrow and keep him locked in my room :( I have fans going all day and a window fan so its liveable, hes not going to die... but its so hot....I wish I could be here with him. he'll have to take it easy because his claws and paws are all torn up.. *sigh* Im glad hes ok but im going to miss the little bugger tonight.

the vet just called and said hes doing well, eating, calming down.. destressing. so thats good. *sigh* he needs loves.

today will be tiring. not only is it a longer workday for me, but Ive been up since 5 am because I woke up and could not go back to sleep. I went to bed at 1 am. so 4 hours of sleep I am going to be running on, so this sucks. sorry for the negativity, but really. im just.. blah.

Nicks been looking for a job so that he can get an apartment and I can join him. Ill bring goobie, and he will get a cat of his own, and they shall be friends and play together. and I wont have to live at my sisters all the way in orting anymore.

I dont really have anything else to say, but oh well. heh. *yawn* I think today will be a starbucks day.

1) What is love?
wow, the question people have been asking for hundreds of years falls on my shoulders :) To me, love is right. Which might not make sense, but it does to me. You knowits right when it is. When it's not, there's something, even something small, holding you back. Even if you dont know what it is. but when it is love, you know everything is absolutely right.

2) You've just been told that you will get $1,000,000 to work ANY job that will make you happy. Whatcha gonna pick?
I would love to work with underprivilaged teens. But thats in the future. A job like that wont land in my lap so I have to gain experience. You'd think a BA was enough, but nooooo. I love to work with people, especially people who need support of any kind. so any job where I could help people, I would love.

3) If you could go back and change what happened with Kyle...the way it happened...would you? If so, what would you do instead?
I would probably change the way that it happened but I would not change that it DID happen. if that makes sense. it needed to happen. Im not sure if he knew it was what I was doing, but I tried to break up with him before the whole mess happened but he convinced me to stay. thats where I would change it. I was unhappy, so I should have stuck to my guns and went through with what I knew had to happen eventually. I hate hurting people I care about, so obviously the way things happened was not ideal. But the separation had to take place, and I had never broken up with anyone before, let alone someone I had been with for 5.5 years...I didnt know what to do. and I did it wrong. However, I did learn from it. and now, I am with someone whom I love deeply, we're planning on moving in together as soon as he gets a job (he just graduated! GO COUGS!) and we can start our life together. :)

4) What is the most scared you've ever been?
Most scared? Oh wow, I have no idea. the last time I was really scared was when my sister sherrie's dog was under a blanket on the floor and I didnt know he was there (hes a weiner dog, so hes small) and I stepped on him and heard him cry. I was bawling I thought I broke his back or something and he couldnt walk and he cried every time he tried and that made ME cry because I love both her dogs so much, they are adorable. turned out it just sort of bruised his leg a little, but he was running just fine within a few days and hes totally fine now. *phew* :)

5) What's your biggest regret?
I try not to look at things as regrets, but more so as learning experiences. I often regret not telling people something I wanted to tell them. I bite my tongue fairly often. and ask questions I want to know the answer to instead of just worrying about it.

Ok, if you want me to ask you questions, go ahead and ask!

-------The rules---------
001. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
002. I will respond by asking you five questions of a very intimate and creepily personal nature. Or not so creepy/personal.
003. You WILL update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
004. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
005. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

My mother has told me that when she gets a new car I can have hers if I want it, otherwise shes going to sell it. (it would be free for me though) I dont know if theres much sense in me taking her car though.. so I want opinions.


her car: Silver Saturn

Pros -
Is newer (2001?)
Has better gas milage
has a CD player
is smaller
has been very well taken care of
has a better setup (accessable cupholders, etc)
is cute
I could sell mine (though not for much) and pay off a couple bills
Cons -
Back passenger side door doesnt open
has about 150,000 miles on it (more than mine) most of which are highway/freeway/traveling miles which are better than city miles
smaller engine (which is probably why it has better gas milage)


My Car: Red Ford Taurus

Pros -
Less miles (almost 130,000)
all the doors work
Brand new battery I just put on my credit card and brand new multi-function switch I just put on the credit card ($550 total)
bigger engine
runs just fine, isnt really anything wrong with it

cons -
its like driving a boat
its a gas hog
no cd player
has no real value to it.. not worth much (maybe $2000)

those are what I can think of right now...there might be more but im not sure. *shrug*

It has come to my attention, that once again I should update. so here I am.

I've been at my current job for about a month now. It's easy, and I enjoy it most of the time. However, it's quickly coming to my attention that I need either more hours (though its not possible, they wont let me go over 32)or a pay raise, which they wont do after only working there a month. I need to find a full time job, I know this. but this saddens me because I do like my job. So I can either find an additional part time job, or I can try to find a full time job and only work this job on the weekends or something. I dont know. I've got to start paying back 2 of my student loans in June, plus car insurance. not to mention rent, my credit card bills, etc.

Which brings me to my next problem, my car. It seemed to be running fine. However, the headlights didnt work. So I brought it into the ford dealership. apparently, theres an electrical switch that needed to be replaced. (over $300, electrical fixes suck) not only that but the battery cable was very corraded, and so was the battery. so, both of those needed to be replaced. and with parts and labor, this is a $550 fix. I dont have $550. SO, it has to go on a credit card. and I dont know HOW im going to pay it back when im already not financially sound. Im so tired of being in debt. *sigh* I need a hug.

Hopefully Nick finds a job, and we can get an apartment. Because living with ym sister, though not unbearable, is frustrating for both her and her husband and for me. I know they asre letting me stay here rent free, but the agreement was Id be out by the end of the summer. so,we need to find a place. I dont know what Im going to do about my life right now. Im tired, Im sick of worrying, and im just frustrated.

Ive been passing a lot of the time lately by reading, a lot. I go through so many books fairly quickly. I havnt been knitting so much, but every once in awhile.

Goobie has gotten bigger and fatter. Hes pretty much confined to one small room, because the dogs chase him. so, he stays in here in the bedroom most of the day and wanders into the hall and bathroom where his litterbox is. when we get an apartment, he'll have more room to walk around. Poor Goobie. Nick also wants to get another cat when we get an apartment so Goobie will have a friend to play with which will make him happy, im sure. he likes to play. He tries to play with my sisters cat, but shes very old and doesnt like to play, so she just swats at him.

well.. I guess thats whats on my mind at the moment. maybe Ill update sooner than 4 months from now, who knows ;)

I know, I know.. I dont update much. I suck, yadda yadda. :)

anyway. I went up to kirkland today to visit linsey. aaaand we did lots of shopping and girl stuff and it was fun. We went to eat and we were sitting there talking and she mentioned how friends of hers dont come and see her even though they only live like somewhere between 5 and 20 minutes away give or take. and it is so sad because a lot of them are people shes known for a long time and used to be uber close with. then now that she lives in new mexico whenever she comes up here people dont goo and see her. well shes been back up here for quite some time and shes leaving in a week or two. and this makes me sad. Im sort of a busy person, but I try to make time for going to visit her when shes here when I have a free day. I live all the way out in the boonies (it takes awhile to drive there, probably over an hour.. well over an hour if there is traffic) and why am I the only friend of hers that goes to visit her? shes a lovely person and I enjoy her company. You'd think now that shes pregnant more people would be even more thrilled to go see her and all her pregnant glowing glory. On the way home I was listening to the readio and the DJ was talking about growing up. and she mentioned as we get older we lose a lot of people we considered friends, for varying reasons. but... even though we have fewer friends, the ones we DO have are awesome.. and always there for you especially when you need it the most. and if they cant be there physically, we know they are in our hearts and us in theirs. how true is that? when we were younger it was popularity, how many friends we had. the qualitity of our friends wasnt as big of a deal. but now.. now its quality, not quantity, that counts. and I just want to *hug* Lindsey so more and let her know that she is awesome, I love her, and I will love Megan (baby) as much as I do her and Curt (her Husband whos overseas)anyway people... if you've read all this so far then you are also probably a true friend because I was too lazy to put this entry into paragraph form :)Linny, you know where to reach me if you need me, and Ill do my best to be a high quality friend we all long for. and that goes for the rest of you, too. :)